- Itís a perfect day. You couldnít plan
a day like this.
- Well, you can. It just takes an awful lot of work.
From ďGroundhog dayĒ movie
You should be recognizable but peculiar.
Mindblower is a term or a concept born in
the ARDOR school, our dating and relationship training based in Russia.
Mindblower is one of the most effective instruments to recover crisis
relationships although it can also be successful when used during pick-up or on
a first date. By mindblowers we mean unexpected actions taken by one partner
aiming to get closer with the other rapidly. Of course, mind-blowing techniques
are not a panacea for all problems in the relationship since they are more like
a painkiller but not a medicine. However, in most cases, these surprises help
partners to get closer and improve the atmosphere in their communication and
But mindblowers differ greatly from each other.
Some have a greater impact on the emotional brain whereas others mostly
influence the instinctive or even logical brain. For example, the romantic
dinner in a fine restaurant is an emotional mindblower. Sexual role-playing
games may serve a good example of a mindblower aimed at the instinctive brain.
And making a present to your partnerís parents is a mindblower targeted at
logical brain. If you plan a mindblower it is very important to assess the
desired result. For instance, there is no sense for a woman to write a love
sonnet to a man who has lost physical attraction to her, while a marked change
in her image would have much greater effect here.
Letís see another example. If a woman loves
a man but constantly accuses him that he doesnít pay enough attention to her
then such mindblower as a sudden a romantic rendezvous organized by him would
perfectly suit this situation.
To make the mindblower fully work for you
never try to satisfy the needs that your partner doesnít currently have. This
is a mistake most people do. Especially being in a follower position. Very
often when one partner has the desire to feel that the other one is independent
and self-sufficient , and the latter does quite the contrary: he applies all
his efforts to get closer and reach out to the former.
I have divided the mindblowers basing on
the needs they are aimed to satisfy into four types:
Before I describe each of the
abovementioned groups and provide you with several examples I want to make one
more significant comment. These four groups of mindblowers present 4 levels. At
the first level (a Present) you influence the emotional brain of your partner
with almost unapparent effect on instinctive brain. In other words your partner
will be very impressed and inspired by the unusual gift of yours, but it wonít
provoke his/her a sexual desire. At the opposite end of this scale we have a
Challenge. This type of mindblower can greatly arouse your partner as well as
make you more attractive. But emotionally your partner may feel very
uncomfortable, and if atmosphere of trust has not been established before your
partner may close himself/herself off and take a defensive position. The second
and third levels (Surprise and Pastime) occupy intermediate positions on the
scale of emotional-sexual impact.
Now let us consider all the four types of
mindblowers in detail. For each of them I give three examples: the first one is
more suitable for women, the second one is good for men and the third example
is universal and suits both sexes.
In order to consider your present to be
mind-blowing one it should be pleasant, extraordinary, unexpected and unique.
It should be a bomb, something that your partner has never received from
anyone. What do I mean here? Let me illustrate it with the help of examples:
* A present to a woman. Do you think what
to present your woman on her birthday, some special date like New Year or the
100-th day after you first met each other etc.? I suggest the following: at
first, buy a small-sized folding mirror in a metal frame. Then order the
inscription on the mirror (a service offered by most jewelers). The inscription
should say something like this: ďDear Jane, Iíve been looking for a good
present for your birthday but did not find anything more lovely than
* A present to a man. If you have an
amateur video camera, then you can film a very impressive story and later
present it to your man on the disk. What could be the plot of the film? It may
be birthday greetings where you sing a song of your own production. It may be a
tour around some picturesque place conducted by you ending with an invitation
to visit this place on a certain day. It may be a funny story about how you
have been looking for a present and finally came up with an idea of presenting
the disc. It may be a collage of your family photos or erotic photo session
made especially for him. The point here is to use your imagination.
* Universal present. Have you ever paid
attention to the fact that the main characters in Hollywood films make each
other presents or surprises at the most opportune moments. This usually happens
at the end of the movie. At first we get acquainted with the characters and
their personalities. A surprise that one of them gives the other incredibly
fits his/her personality, meets his/her dreams and reminds of the events that
occurred to him/her during the movie. It is best to improvise doing such
things. But if your fantasy does not give you any hint at the moment here's
what I can suggest. Ask your partner to describe the place of his/her dreams,
in which he had been or would like to visit, either imaginary or real. Write
each word he/she says. If this place actually exists then try to find a
detailed description of it and photos. If he/she cannot name such place then
fit any memorable place for you where you had a great time together. You may
have to go there again and photograph it. Next comes the gripping part of the
mindblower. Ask some artist to draw this place by a description or photo. By
presenting this picture to your partner you will make that kind of surprise,
which is so loved by American film directors.
Surprise is a short-term occurrence, a
change in your behavior which is born spontaneously or planned in advance in
order to surprise your partner. What can we name here as an example? Let me
* A surprise
for a woman. When you're sitting next to a familiar
or an unfamiliar woman in the cafe she will be very pleased if you make
a rose out of paper napkin and present it to her. In Appendix I you may find a
step by step formula how to do it quickly. In addition, there is also a
technology for creating a bouquet of roses from maple leaves presented on the
following page: http://www.ardor.ru/seducer/varsed/2_16/.
* A surprise for a man. Women love
well-organized nice romantic dinners. However, men much less got used to such
occurrences as beautifully decorated room, special homemade meals and carefully
chosen music, so menís excitement from them is similar to that of women. Also
knowing the fact that emotional sensitivity of a man is driven by his sexual
feelings you can strengthen the mind-blowing effect by wearing erotic clothes
or by a strip dance.
* Universal surprise. The simplest
mindblower is to meet with your partner at a place where he or she does not
expect to see you. You can organize a surprise meeting on your partnerís
everyday route at the university, at work, in fitness club or near his/her
By pastime I mean joint participation in
any activity which is different from everyday life occurrences. Let me list a
few pastimes to make it clear for you:
* Pastime with a woman. One of the most
efficient mindblowers in terms of mental and physical effect on your partner is
a trip out of town. It does not matter what purpose or destination you choose.
Let it be a trip to a nearby city. Or a hike. Or a picnic. Or gathering
flowers. Or fishing. Skiing, riding bikes, boats or horses would strengthen the
effect. If you spend the whole day with your woman outdoors it will bring you
both tons of positive feelings and this one day can make you closer than
anything else in this world.
* Pastime with a man. In order to infuse
new blood into your relationship you may use games. Childrenís, role-playing,
sexual, intelligent... If both players do not aim at wining at any cost the
game makes them closer to each other. A good example of such game in a family
relationship is an agreement to talk all day long only via notes, or gestures,
or conventional signs. Or it could be a game that you can play in the kitchen,
agreeing not to eat anything from your own hands but only from the hands of
your partner. For relationships at a crisis stage, I recommend a game in which
each partner writes 10 small notes on the topic "What do I like in
you" and the same number on the topic "What do I want you to do for
me". Then both of you need to put all those notes into an envelope, and not
to forget to share envelopes afterwards. To revitalize the sex life you may use
role-playing games like chief-subordinate, doctor-patient, maid-guest, etc.
Please use your imagination and you will think up lots of fun games that
perfectly suit your couple.
* Universal pastime. Have you ever
attended a tea ceremony held in Chinese tradition? No? This is not critical,
since you can arrange a similar ceremony by your own means. With the help of
your imagination youíll find plenty of accessories for such ceremony. No doubt
there is a store of inexpensive souvenirs in your city that sells many Chinese
goods. Just buy those that you think will be useful to share tea ceremony with
your partner. These may include: rice, meat, exotic teas, Chinese sticks,
incense, tea pots, mortars, decorated candles, quiet eastern music, and so on.
The shop assistants will be happy to help you with some pieces of advice on how
to better apply these things, so do not forget to ask.
Challenge implies offering your partner to
play a game which is probably already won by you. Challenge is a sort of
provocation with a sense of humor. Sometimes challenge is a good way to shift
the emotional balance in the relationship to your side, to heighten your
inaccessibility, value and attractiveness. Here are some examples:
* A challenge for a woman. The simplest
thing you can do in sultry summer is to suddenly pour some cold water on your
woman. How? A shaken bottle with carbonated water is a good option or you
can... hmm... just push your woman into the fountain and jump after. You can
hardly imagine what emotions will overwhelm her!
* A challenge for a man. You can refresh
the relationship by arousing curiosity of your man. Take a photo of a few parts
of your body, by which you are very hard to be recognized, such as ear, eye,
neck, finger, etc. Within several days, send your partner by e-mail passionate
letters with attached photos. All these days keep communicating with your
partner in usual manner. Of course, then you have to open up. You may do it either
at home or at a specially organized date with the "new" friend. The
point here is to keep a sense of humor and to find in this episode a reason for
reunification but not for discord.
* Universal challenge. When you sit with a
partner in the cafe itís a good choice to offer him/her playing one exciting
game. It would be much better if you engage him/her to play this game
non-verbally. However, it can also be a verbal version. The essence of the game
is very simple: you take some action and your partner has to repeat it. The
actions you choose may be various: to brush off the dust, to move the spoon on
the table, to smooth your hair, to snap your fingers, etc. In the middle of the
game you need to imitate drinking but in fact to collect some water in your mouth.
At the end of the game you make one good cigarette puff (you will easily do it
keeping the water in your mouth) and then you do what your partner wonít be
able to repeat: spit out all the liquid that you have been having all this time
in your mouth.
Here we have discussed the main types of
mindblowers that can easily revitalize any relationship in short-term prospect.
In order to obtain a long-term effect from mindblowers it should be just one of
the steps on your way to rekindling your love life. The mindblower should be
pleasant both for your partner and for you. If it does not work this way then
you do something wrong. More specifically, one or more criteria of success are
not met in your mindblower, which include sincerity, relevance and creativity.
In other words, if you donít do your mindblowers straight from the heart, if
the mindblower totally doesnít fit your personality then the overall effect
from it will be rather poor. At the same time, if the mindblowers are done with
true inspiration, emotions and thoughts you both will greatly enjoy the result
and your communication will become much more intimate. By the word ďintimateĒ I
mean spiritual closeness, openness and frankness, which are common among best
friends and relatives.