Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie

Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.
Susan Taylor

If you have a crisis relationship than you surely think that your partner doesn't behave in a way you expect it from him/her. Why he or she doesn't do the things you want? One of the main reasons is the fact that you don't satisfy some of his/her needs. But before undertaking something to solve this issue you have to properly identify the needs of your partner. Let's once again divide human mind into three parts: logical, emotional and instinctive, and see, which of them is probably not satisfied and what you can do to change it. For this purpose let's look at the things people feel the need for in long-term relationships.

Let us divide the needs into three categories described above: needs of instinctive brain, of emotional brain and of logical brain. (If we try to correlate these three categories with well-known Maslow pyramid we shall approximately get basic and safety needs in instinctive brain category, communication and prestige needs - in emotional brain, and self-realization - in logical brain.) Here are some examples for each category.

* Instinctive needs: to be admired sexually, to have sex with an attractive partner, to be sexually satisfied; to feel safety near your partner, to avoid stress in relationship, to be sure that your partner will protect you if necessary, to have enough resources for living, specific roles distribution needed for physical excitement, to see your partner investing efforts into his/her image and style, to feel that your partner is fully open in sex, to feel your partner’s sexual desire, etc.

* Emotional needs: to have someone who cares about you, to trust a person you live with, to feel deep connection and understanding with your partner, to be respected and admired by your partner, to feel that your relationship is more important for your partner than other things, to feel that your partner can leave you if you cheat or make other blunders, want of caress, hugs & kisses, to share your emotional experience and to be heard, to be invited by your partner to different events and places, etc.

* Logical needs: to have common interests with your partner, to have common spiritual believes with your partner, to feel that your partner respects your feelings, views and believes, to see your partner growing in step with your personal self-improvement, etc.

Now try to identify, which of the above mentioned needs gives your partner trouble. This is not an easy task and sometimes you should ask indirect questions or talk with your partner's friends. Once you've identified the needs you should chose the optimal way to satisfy them and thus make your partner feel enthusiastic of getting closer to you. Usually crisis in relationship starts when the needs of emotional and/or instinctive brain are not fulfilled. However sometimes logical brain becomes the reason of conflicts, especially when one partner greatly outstrips the other in personal growth level. Let's see, which actions are better to take to meet the needs of each brain.

1. Logical brain

Task:

To make your partner respect your personality. To make your relationship a union with equal rights. Show more healthy and calm behavior in the relationship.

Mindsets examples:

* Everything I plan I do to the end.

* All I want to realize is POSSIBLE!

* I'm totally calm during any confrontations and conflicts, since I know they are inevitable and am ready for them.

* There is a limit of what may be told and done to me and I won't let anyone exceed it.

* My mind is focused on what I desire; there is no limit to what is mine. On the last meeting with my boss he had no chances to break down my will.

Actions examples:

* Record mindsets on a dictaphone and listen to them regularly doing everyday things.

* Practice finding something positive in every situation.

* Find a source of consolation and communication in external environment.

* Make your partner join calm conversation sessions with you where you discuss each other's needs.

* Exchange with your partner 10 envelopes where you both write and put in 20 notes containing 10 notes on the topic "What do I like about you?" and 10 notes indicating what each of you would like to change in his/her partner.

* Find a hobby that will excite you greatly.

* Do everything to grow personally, communicatively, professionally and physically career.

* Follow the principle: "If you're afraid - don't do it, if you do - don't be afraid"; in your decisions go to the end without changing the course trying to avoid risk.

Instruments:

* Motivational movies about achieving goals and overcoming difficulties, such as "King of comedy", "Gattaka", "Farmer-astronaut", "Peaceful warrior", “Invincible”, “Tin cup”, etc.

* Books on leadership such as "Influence: The psychology of persuasion" by Robert Cialdini or “Screw it, Let’s do it” by Richard Branson.

* Books on relationship psychology like "The Passion Paradox: Patterns of Love and Power in Intimate Relationships” by Dean C. Delis or "Relationship rescue" by Phillip McGraw.

2. Emotional brain

Task:

To become a relationship leader.

Mindsets examples:

* My partner is a big kid, because...

* My partner is more dependent on our relationship than me.

* I attract other men/women and thanks to their attention I can feel myself a real woman/man.

* I will invest my efforts in the relationship with my partner only when they bring many positive things into my life. In all other situations I will perceive it tranquilly since I have many other important concerns (children, job, hobby, appearance, etc).

* I’m aggressive, direct, powerful and seductive with women/men I desire. It is impossible for a woman/man to manipulate me.

Actions examples:

* Record mindsets on a dictaphone and listen to them regularly doing everyday things.

* Become a member of dating sites with a nice real photo and a creative personal; use real data.

* Discuss other men/women with your partner in a correct manner.

* Resurrect memories/communication with your old flames.

* Go to personal growth trainings, sports class or professional courses.

* Flirt with the other men/women, provoke jealousy.

* More actively, passionately and dominantly behave in sex.

* Fight for just relationship, in which each partner has equal number of rights, privileges and responsibilities.

Instruments:

* Mindblowers of "Present", "Surprise", and "Pastime" types.

* Motivational movies about fights for relationships, such as "What dreams may come" or "Changing reality".

* Motivational movies about independent behavior, such as "9 1/2 weeks", "Hitch" or "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".

* Books and audiobooks on personal growth of such authors as Tony Robbins, Les Brown, Zig Ziglar, Deepak Chopra, etc.

* Books on relationship psychology like "The Passion Paradox: Patterns of Love and Power in Intimate Relationships” by Dean ?. Delis or "Relationship rescue" by Phillip McGraw.

3. Instinctive brain

Task:

To raise sexual attractiveness.

Mindsets examples:

* I always know what to say and to do to make a man/woman melt, since there wasn’t a single time when he/she was indifferent to my mindblower.

* I care for my appearance, grooming and style. I'm growing more attractive with each passing day. I have heard at least three compliments within this week.

* I have incredible sexual power with men/women. I radiate an irresistible sexual energy that arouses men/women just being in my presence. That is why often on dates man/woman’s eye glitter, his/her mouth is half-open, his/her movements are constrained, and his/her speech is incoherent.

* I radiate confidence, warmth, sexuality and charm that women/men find irresistibly attractive.

* I always know what to do to seduce a man/woman. In every situation I’m capable of finding a way to melt his/her resistance away, to tease to arouse him/her, to make him/her want to have sex with me more than anything else.

Actions examples:

* Record mindsets on a dictaphone and listen to them regularly doing everyday things.

* Provide less physical availability.

* Flirt with the other men/women, provoke jealousy.

* More actively, passionately and dominantly behave in sex.

* Propose role games within daily activities and sex, take a leading position in them.

* Master the new sex techniques by using sexual literature and/or experiments.

* Do all your best to improve your appearance, make yourself look like the one you would fall in love with.

Instruments:

* Mindblowers of "Pastime" and "Challenge" types.

* Motivational movies about achieving goals and overcoming difficulties, such as "King of comedy", "Gattaka", "Farmer-astronaut", "Peaceful warrior", “Invincible”, “Tin cup”, etc.

* Motivational movies about independent behavior, such as "9 1/2 weeks", "Hitch" or "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", etc.

* Movies with rich erotic atmosphere, such as “Wild orchid”, “Red shoe diaries”, “Lake consequence”, “Two moon junction”, etc.

* The book "The Passion Paradox: Patterns of Love and Power in Intimate Relationships” by Dean ?. Delis.

* Books on leadership such as "Influence: The psychology of persuasion" by Robert Cialdini or “Screw it, Let’s do it” by Richard Branson.

* Books on sex and seduction, such as “The Guide to Getting It On!” by Paul Joannides or "Art of seduction" by Robert Greene or "How to get the women you desire into bed" by Ross Jeffries.

* Books on ethology and evolutional biology, such as "Selfish gene" by Richard Dawkins or “The treatise of love, as it is recognized by awful bore” by Anatoly Protopopov.

You've just learned what mindsets, actions and instruments can help you to faster build intimate connection with your partner once you have identified his/her needs. Let's now look at how you can involve your partner in working on your relationship.