She caught him unawares and immediately surrounded by a high fence of love
that he could never climb over.
Iím quite sure that the great number of
relationships can be saved, though there are some couples with no positive
future. The quantity of such couples is much less than you believe. And if you
think that the only way to make your relationship better is to change your
partner, itís surely not your case. More often a relationship breaks down
because one of the partners or even both of them donít want to take the
responsibility for it. And that is quite a different problem than lack of
If you are alone now and want to find a
partner for stable relationship, you should first realize, what exactly you are
looking for and what are the most important characteristics for you in the
member of the opposite sex. What features are more significant for you? While
answering this question, try to avoid the combination of incompatible features.
For example women are looking for well-brought-up bullies, dominant admirers,
strong romantics, self-confident and self-sufficient family men, wealthy and
developed guardians, sexual and funny respectable men. At the same time men
would like to find a sex-bomb, who will become a perfect mother, a caring
hostess with dignity, an exemplary wife, who would always grow personally and
would not rest on her laurels, and a woman who will be eager to support her
husband at tough moments. If these combinations remind you of your dreams, try
to think of a real person whom you have met and who had all these traits. If
there is one, are you sure you knew that person well? Thinking of a person you
wish to find, try to rely on the images of your real friends from real life.
The more accurate and realistic picture you get, the greater your chances of
future success are.
After you have created a portrait of your
potential partner, the time for actions comes. The partnerís search process has
much in common with job application, which usually consists of:
* Resume writing and placement.
* Using all possible personal connections.
* Direct search and addressing attractive
* Regular interviewing.
I remember my previous job application when
I asked the professionals for help in writing resume. Then I sent it to
everywhere I could and visited lots of interviews. I rejected the first
suggestions because I wanted to estimate the maximal height I could clear.
While looking for a partner, one should behave the same way: place his/her
personal on dating sites, go out as often as possible, talk to different people
in public areas, and try to visit places where a chance to meet a potential
partner is really good.
Every time you meet a new person ask
yourself about the life you may have together in several years. Do you like
this kind of life? It is interesting, but even being in love with their
partners, people often give a negative answer. A vice versa situation, when a
person suits you rationally but does not attract you instinctively or
emotionally is also widely-spread.
Of course if we are speaking about serious
relationship, the answer ďYesĒ given by your logic is desirable. For short love
affairs the response of instinctive brain is much more important. If your
boyfriend or girlfriend corresponds to 70% of your demands, you should
definitely think of this person as a possible candidate for stable
relationship. Simply because it is extremely difficult to find a fully suitable
partner. If you want to make your choice, you should have what to choose from.
Thatís why you should go out, meet different people, communicate and flirt with
them if you want to get an idea about sex-and-marriage market.
Before we start our talk about where and
how to meet people letís do some preparatory work. The work which can take
several weeks or even several years, but it is sure to make you more
self-confident and, consequently, to raise your chances for success.
1. Take maximum of your appearance
Visit your hairdresser, make a new haircut
or a hairdo. Try to choose the style which your potential partner will like. If
you think you are a bad stylist, you have got two possible variants: to take
classical style, which is liked by the majority of people, or consult a
professional. Anyway you will not only get a new image but also feel as if you
are a different person. You will get rid of your daily routine which sets a lot
of limitations on your behavior.
2. Practice your posture and gait
If you want to get good gait and posture
you should practice not less than an hour every day during several weeks. At
these moments you should throw away all unnecessary thoughts because it is very
difficult for your brain to control several issues at the same time. Keep your
chin up - it influences your manners in a positive way.
3. Slow down your movements
Slow motion is one of the main attributes
of self-confident people. Such people are never in a hurry, they donít think
about how they look in other peopleís eyes and they donít intend to grab
attention of the others. That is why they have no reasons for fuss. Slow
movements in public places are the best exercise to train this skill. The more
often you do it, the more self-confident you feel.
4. Smile gently
What kind of facial expression do we
usually see amongst self-confident successful people? Well, they smile a lot.
But do it very slightly. Itís like a smile of a soccer player who has just
scored a very nice goal. Or a smile of a hospitable proprietor greeting his/her
guests. Well, it looks like if you recall something very funny but suppress
your laugh. It is a smile of power and calmness. This smile is to be trained in
front of the mirror better by taking some popular actor as an example, e.g.: Mickey
Rourke, Kim Basinger or Sean Connery. Then you are to go out to the
"field" and perfect your new smile in your everyday life.
5. Occupy more space
The majority of people in the crowd tend to
hug the wall or stay totally unnoticeable. Those who possess charisma try to be
in the middle of the crowd, attract as much attention as possible and occupy
maximum possible space. They usually move more actively through space, maintain
an open posture, speak loudly and feel themselves relaxed. Take it as a rule: in
public places to grab attention of the others, occupy with your posture and
your motion as much space as you can. This will fix even more eyes of the
others on you than bright clothes or loud laughter.
6. Look in peopleís faces, especially
The ability of looking into his/ her face
for a long time is a gesture of a leader, who is able to arouse trust and win
favor. It is an excellent opportunity to feel yourself more confident and and
raise your self-esteem. That is the exercise to be practiced in ordinary
conversations as well as while talking to people you donít know. The more you
enlist your efforts for not taking your eyes off your interlocutor looking at
you, the more rapidly you develop your communication and presentation skills as
well as your ability to position yourself in conversations.
7. Communicate with a large percentage
Itís not difficult to develop your
communication skills - simply communicate more. Use all the opportunities to
talk to your friends and especially to people you donít know that you havenít
used before. Greet all the persons who go in for sports with you, ask a
passerby about current time, tell a compliment to a person you donít know,
propose to do a tea break to your colleagues, call the people whom you havenít
talked with for ages and so on and so forth.
8. Set a preliminary visual contact
From my personal experience statistics
reveals that visual contact being set initially will increase the percentage of
successful acquaintances by two times. That means if you are smiling and have
caught the glance of a stranger before talking to him/her your communication
process is supposed to be easier as if you already know each other non-verbally
and just need to get to know each other verbally. You should start with a
simple exercise: establish a positive eye contact with members of the opposite
sex in public areas. In this respect, a sidelong look, i.e. from behind the
shoulder or any obstacle, is more beneficial since such element of playfulness
attracts and intrigues much more than a normal straight look. Your old mates
may also assist you actively in such training. The only thing you need is to
invite some of them to a meeting and spend a bulk of time without saying a word
and communicating mostly just via body language.
9. Gradually invade the personal space
of your interlocutor
It will be much easier to arouse trust of a
stranger if you start approaching him or her slowly invading his/her personal
space which is about 2-3 feet from a person. If you do it slow enough the
person tends to trust you and at the same time is less likely to feel
aggression. The overall process of gradual invasion is split into several
phases. First of all you should enter his personal space by one part of your
body, i.e. a hand or a leg or, whatís even better, by an inclination of your
head or trunk. Also, it is desirable that at the beginning of a conversation
with a stranger you have your body located sideways to that of him/her at 180į
angle and your looks encounter by heads rotation. In this position unfamiliar
people communicate more comfortably and openly.
10. Ask open-ended questions and listen
The sales theory gives us a surprising
rule: the more your interlocutor talks the more he or she trusts you. However,
just knowing this rule is not enough to use it effectively. Most of us want to
be like stars and such need often leads us to speak actively rather than to
listen actively. We are personally convinced that with the help of our speech
we score points but we often find ourselves going round in circles. By
switching our attention to the inner world of the interlocutor we may evoke
his/her attraction towards us since the main direction of his/her thoughts will
be the major topic of your conversation. The best way to turn the conversation
the proper way is to ask open-ended questions that start with "What,"
"How," "Why," etc.
The answer to the question "Where to
get acquainted?" is ďEverywhere where members of the opposite sex existĒ.
As for me, I prefer to do it in the street since the street unites many various
places in it. The street is always available, random and dynamic which makes it
an excellent training field for seduction skills.
How to make the acquaintance of him/her? It
is not so important what to say when you meet the appropriate person if you
carry out a preliminary communication training which Iíve presented to you
above. The more creativity, improvisation and innovation you apply - the higher
efficiency you will get eventually. But for those of you who enjoy using
patterns I will provide few examples.
Introduction to a woman:
- Miss, excuse me, do you have a thread?
No? Then letís just get to know each other anyway. I was thinking threads would
help us to be tied up to each other but I see we have to do it with the help of
words. My name is Dmitry.
If she has a spool of threads by chance in
her bag you may compare it with a sewing machine, and then tie up your and her
index fingers with the words ďThank you. You see how quickly we were able to
tie up our relationshipĒ.
Introduction to a man:
- You look just like my psychoanalyst...
- But he already has a girlfriend.
That opens a great opportunity to find out
whether the man is ready for a relationship with you. If he explains that he
also has a girlfriend, it's easy to continue the dialog, saying: "You have
understood me incorrectly. Why do men always seek out the hidden meaning in
ordinary utterances of women?!Ē If he says he does not have a girlfriend yet
then say the following: "I think I am not ready to start the relationship
so quickly since donít know each other at all." Well, in both cases a man
will be provoked to actively participate in the dialogue.
Look, smiling at the man/woman, until as
he/she notices and then say:
- Why are you staring at me?
- I am not.
- OK, then why are you not staring?
Every time you try to get acquainted with a
new person you should always remember that it is a challenge both him/her and
for you. You are like checking your skill in balancing between interest and
indifference. From the very first minute you try to gain control over your
new-born relationship and the earlier you do it, the easier it would be later
to run them.
However, despite the possibility of
practicing first impression skills, creating the desired mood and selecting the
most appropriate dating methods you still wonít attract everybody. One of the
major discoveries that I made at the beginning when I learned the specifics
intersexual wars was that the realization of a point that ATTRACTION IS NOT A
PERSONAL CHOICE OF A HUMAN BEING. Your education and your plans as well as all
of your logical arguments and conversations with your friends are POWERLESS in
front of the choice being made by your libido. Your mind and logical thinking
may tell you that you choose the wrong person which is not the best for you and
vice versa, but your attraction will surely win.
If while meeting with a member of the
opposite sex the first impression of you on him/her seemed UNATTRACTIVE, then
you have a very LITTLE CHANCE to change it in future. Almost all of your
efforts in terms of persuasion and proof will be in vain. Also, the same rule
works the opposite way, i.e. if you ATTRACT a person at the first meeting then
he/she can do PRACTICALLY NOTHING about it. He/she canít say to
himself/herself: "I will not talk to him because he is rude or impudent
and dishonest" or "She is behaving too windy and selfish for me to
choose her." On the contrary he/she will say will say: "I love
her/him despite everything". No autosuggestion or self-hypnosis is able to
change that. What conclusion may we come to from this point?
At first, usually instead of wasting
efforts to attract a person who initially was not interested in you it is
better to focus your efforts on a different candidate with more enthusiastic
attitude towards your.
Secondary, pay close attention to the
importance of preliminary work on yourself, on your appearance, on the way you
position and behave yourself, on your personal growth. If you learn how to
properly make the first impression then everything else begins to matter less.
Now, when I intentionally dramatized a bit
let me make some things more clear to you. Despite the fact that a person is
not capable to choose whom to be attracted to and whom to be attractive for,
you, as an active side, still have a great opportunity to influence the
strength of your attractiveness to others. And that is the topic we are going
to examine in more detail now.